Five Haiku About the New Mumford & Sons Album

wildermindNote: The following is a little off-brand for me– I write about music because I love it, and don’t derive any particular pleasure from writing about music that leaves me cold– but this album is such a perfect intersection of everything I hate. How could I not offer a cheery response?

Tell the focus groups
They nailed it: Algorithms
Of tediousness.

“We need a duller
Version of Kings of Leon.”
Getting lukewarmer.

“Play it like U2,
But more poe-faced and brooding.
Nothing frivolous.”

We’ll hear this ten years
From now, getting prescriptions
Filled—and still hate it.

I never thought I’d
Miss those migraine-thump kickdrums.
I’ve been wrong before.


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